The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize