There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
