So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
