When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
