Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
