Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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