Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
