It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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