My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
