Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
