i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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