So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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