I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
