I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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