Well douche your snatch and let's go!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
