I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
