i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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