my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
