He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
