I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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