What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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