I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
