I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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