I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem