Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

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(253): View more from Washington

I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself

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(786): View more from Florida

Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

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(801): View more from Utah

No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(208): View more from Idaho

Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

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(619): View more from California

He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz

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(315): View more from New York

Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...

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(734): View more from Michigan

I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake

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