Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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  (202): I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants. (202): ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up. http://tfl.nu/3a4d
  Replies (1) Good night (530) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I need help removing her.

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  (919): I need help removing her. http://tfl.nu/mzqp
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  meet me or not, i'm out of control

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  (303): meet me or not, i'm out of control http://tfl.nu/t1zj
  Replies (29) Good night (3418) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  why do cheetos always look like penises

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  (714): why do cheetos always look like penises http://tfl.nu/nqxj
  Replies (41) Good night (3684) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine

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  (585): I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine http://tfl.nu/d7kh
  Replies (12) Good night (901) Bad night (6394)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.

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  (714): I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest. http://tfl.nu/jip9
  Replies (28) Good night (1556) Bad night (5980)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there

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  (540): Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there http://tfl.nu/4j17
  Replies (7) Good night (3563) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.

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  (910): I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him. http://tfl.nu/a5tc
  Replies (12) Good night (1420) Bad night (2343)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk

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  (239): We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk http://tfl.nu/ub56
  Replies (3) Good night (1884) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL

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  (201): I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL http://tfl.nu/z2bq
  Replies (7) Good night (1487) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?

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  (530): Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning? http://tfl.nu/vtt9
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face

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  (775): He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face http://tfl.nu/ksnb
  Replies (5) Good night (799) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

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  (616): I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day? http://tfl.nu/5vcx
  Replies (3) Good night (281) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot

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  (973): I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot http://tfl.nu/bffj
  Replies (6) Good night (1028) Bad night (206)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??

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  (973): I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me?? http://tfl.nu/odnb
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (211)

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