Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So squirting runs in the family.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
