Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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(712): I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up. http://tfl.nu/k85m

Replies (14) Good night (4631) Bad night (1516)
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(913): View more from Kansas

He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.

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(913): He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'. http://tfl.nu/awoj

Replies (33) Good night (983) Bad night (3338)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

(843): View more from South Carolina

drunk me is so punny.

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(803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv

Replies (19) Good night (8963) Bad night (1193)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

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(443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv

Replies (30) Good night (6638) Bad night (1504)
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(917): View more from New York City

Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.

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(917): Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap. http://tfl.nu/690y

Replies (16) Good night (3738) Bad night (1426)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit

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(515): Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit http://tfl.nu/4m5n

Replies (4) Good night (785) Bad night (2339)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.

(910): View more from North Carolina

im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325

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(910): Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly. (910): im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325 http://tfl.nu/vc15

Replies (26) Good night (989) Bad night (2528)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.

(1-802): View more from Vermont

I hope you fall on your chin.

(802): View more from Vermont

Jealousy makes you ugly.

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(802): I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore. (1-802): I hope you fall on your chin. (802): Jealousy makes you ugly. http://tfl.nu/isvw

Replies (14) Good night (3026) Bad night (1250)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.

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(413): FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/mpp4

Replies (8) Good night (1246) Bad night (803)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water

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(405): You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water http://tfl.nu/d1ur

Replies (5) Good night (1670) Bad night (739)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember

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(832): came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember http://tfl.nu/t07z

Replies (3) Good night (835) Bad night (786)
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(516): View more from New York

She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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(516): She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird... http://tfl.nu/escp

Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (416)
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(971): View more from Oregon

Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?

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(971): Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art? http://tfl.nu/i4so

Replies (4) Good night (622) Bad night (356)
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(818): View more from California

You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.

(1-818): View more from California

Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.

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(818): You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible. (1-818): Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins. http://tfl.nu/2adc

Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (429)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.

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(843): As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed. http://tfl.nu/2ht0

Replies (0) Good night (689) Bad night (391)

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