I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So many bounce houses so little time
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.