walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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