Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.

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  (415): worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser. http://tfl.nu/daye
  Replies (13) Good night (721) Bad night (4684)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.

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  (306): We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/ti46
  Replies (13) Good night (3428) Bad night (1206)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

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  (802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze. http://tfl.nu/rr46
  Replies (27) Good night (5938) Bad night (878)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

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  (586): Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app http://tfl.nu/uu0s
  Replies (78) Good night (6193) Bad night (2367)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9693) Bad night (1145)
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  (631): View more from New York

  she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.

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  (631): she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever. http://tfl.nu/9adr
  Replies (21) Good night (1139) Bad night (8635)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.

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  (617): your philanthropy is ruining my sex life. http://tfl.nu/l4rt
  Replies (7) Good night (991) Bad night (2586)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"

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  (479): the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is" http://tfl.nu/kt8o
  Replies (11) Good night (2705) Bad night (1028)
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  (554): View more from

  No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted

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  (554): No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted http://tfl.nu/praq
  Replies (12) Good night (2336) Bad night (1155)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.

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  (541): Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/cv6a
  Replies (8) Good night (2216) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (876): View more from Jamaica

  i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend

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  (876): i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend http://tfl.nu/snpm
  Replies (9) Good night (909) Bad night (567)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.

  (1+61): View more from

  Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.

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  (+61): I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover. (1+61): Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer. http://tfl.nu/so7s
  Replies (5) Good night (1799) Bad night (785)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.

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  (317): When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work. http://tfl.nu/4lb8
  Replies (13) Good night (2379) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Fuhga

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Thank you.

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  (250): The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive. (905): Fuhga (250): Thank you. http://tfl.nu/3pok
  Replies (3) Good night (1645) Bad night (798)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I

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  (214): This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I http://tfl.nu/v4qv
  Replies (7) Good night (509) Bad night (351)

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