U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.