believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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