brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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