When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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