there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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