ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
