Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize