He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
