Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
