Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
