I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
