Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
