She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
