Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
