You work out of a Hotel?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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