shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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