check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
BRING THE BAGELS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
