Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
