I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
