There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
