I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
