shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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