everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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