thus making me awesome and them whores
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
