I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
