Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
