i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
