I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
