I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
