turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
