Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
