tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
be right there i have to get my cape
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
