end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
