So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
