from now on my penis is your penis
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
