Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize