Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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