you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
