if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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