i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
