i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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