dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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