I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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