Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
