I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
