I wish you could order shots online.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
