I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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