The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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