is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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