Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
