My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
