I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
