When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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