There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
