Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
